Thoughts

I don't normally have posts that are picture-less and mostly pointless, maybe it's the hormones, but I feel like doing it today.

Lately I've just felt totally overwhelmed. In a good way. It's been the little things that have touched me recently. I think that maybe part of the reason the Lord gives us trials and hard times is for us to be able to feel the love, not just from him, but from others around us, to kind of open our eyes to how good we really have it. These are some of the things my eyes have been opened to as of late.

- I feel totally and utterly blessed to be a mother. My son is this little piece of heaven that lives in my house. He has this spirit that is just unconditionally loving and sweet. Yesterday someone said to me, "He's really a good boy, isn't he?", and he is. These past few days I've spent a lot of time curled over the toilet, and I can't count how many times I've felt his little hands rubbing my back, or had his head resting on my shoulder. There is no better sound in the world then to hear him say "Muma" with that smile on his face as he runs at me with his arms open wide. And with the new baby coming, I'm grateful for the amazing blessing it is to be pregnant. I've always been fascinated with how my body was able to make this little perfect person. But i think I've taken that for granted. The fact that I can even get pregnant, on my own, without treatment, without miscarriage, is something a lot of women will never experience. I'm so grateful to be a mother.

- My husband is a blessing I'm usually least likely to acknowledge. But as of late, he's become this huge strength to me. He has stepped up to the plate like you wouldn't believe. He does dishes, laundry, cleans the bathroom, gets me food, lets me sleep in everyday, and gets up to Malachi during the night, on top of working, studying and going to school, and I can't recall a single time in the last few months that he's ever complained about doing any of it. He just does it. He makes my life so easy. He puts up with so much. And I love him to death for it. He's not the type of person I'd imagined marrying, but Heavenly Father knew me better then I knew myself, and gave me this man who humbles me, and supports me, and loves me in all the little ways that I need it. Mostly he just lets me be me. I'm so grateful for my husband.

- I guess it's normal to think the grass is greener on the other side, to look up the ladder and feel bad about where we are. But with things about to change, Tui graduating, us leaving, another baby coming, I'm amazed at how good life is right here, right now. Our Stake President has always told me that these will be some of the best years of our lives. And i've seriously struggled to see it. Until now. I decided that if we can't be happy here, while our lives are so simple, then there's something wrong with us. Life is good. It's really good. From the weather, to our apartment, there really is nothing I can complain about. I get to stay home with my son everyday and just play and read books and ride the bike and go swimming and sing and dance. I'm so grateful for our life right now.

- Family has become more important to me the further away from them I get. And I have an amazing family. Today I sat at the computer and looked through pictures of my brothers, my sister, my nieces and nephews, my cousins, and I was overwhelmed with how many good memories i have surrounding them. I miss them so bad. And I am counting down the days until i can finally live closer to them, in the same country at least. My parents did such a good job making our home full of games and laughter and fun. I think that's mostly why I want alot of kids, because I had such a great time growing up with my brothers and sister, that i want my kids to have that too. With Christmas coming, I've thought about what I'd want to give each of my siblings. And mostly I just wish that they could understand how much they mean to me. I'm by far the most sentimental of the 6 of us, and it's probably hard for them to realize how much a part of me they are. And my parents, who took a piece of coal and spent time and tears refining it down in to me. They're just amazing. My mum often calls me her diamond in the rough. I think I'm still mostly just rough, but they sure did a good job trying to make me into a diamond. I'm so grateful for my family.

And as I sat here and blubbered as I wrote, I realised that this month is Thanksgiving. A couple of weeks ago some friends of ours asked what American traditions we'd take away with us. And all i could think of was Thanksgiving. Obviously, we won't have turkey or pilgrims or even the fall season, but i love the idea of designating a time to just be grateful. To stop thinking of what we don't have and really be glad for what we do have. And I sure do have alot. So here's my contribution to the month of thanks, a few things that the Lord has helped me to see I'm grateful for.