Life's little moments

Due to a swarming craze of hormones running through my body, I've been so much more aware and sensitive I guess of life's little moments and how much they mean.  I feel inspired by people who suffer, which sounds really wrong, but its true.  When I see other people's trials I can't help but empathise, put myself in their shoes, and feel what they're feeling.  With people losing children especially lately,I've been reminded how fragile life is, that no one is immune to death, no matter what plans you've made or how righteous you are.  And so I've started to check myself, self evaluate I guess.  And see how I deal with life's little moments.

And so I've made a few commitments, resolutions, whatever you want to call them, that will hopefully help me to be able to enjoy life's little moments more and live with less regrets.  So that if it ever were mine or someone I love's time to go, I wouldn't be left with shoulda-coulda-woulda's.

- I have been hurt and seen others hurt so deeply by the things people say (or don't say) to them and mostly just about them.  Last night as I wrote an imaginary hate letter in my head to someone who I felt has truely used and abused me as of late (Leisa, if your'e reading this NO ITS NOT YOU lol), I started getting so angry, and upset, and just feeling yuck.  And then it kinda hit me.  I'm the only one who's affected by this.  I'm never gunna write the letter, I'd never actually confront her about it, she's never going to know how much I'm upset.  So why bother?  It just makes me feel bad.  And so i decided last night, after wasting 2 hours of perfectly good sleeping time being furious, that I am not going to say negative things.  I can't say I won't think them, but I am just going to keep negative things to myself.  If I haven't got anything nice to say, I just won't say anything at all (Took me 22 years Mum, but i finally got that concept.).  I'm hoping that by not vocalizing these negative feelings, they won't last as long and I can get on with being happy and enjoying life's little moments.

- My husband would be the first to admit that I sweat the small stuff way too much.  I get obsessed over things that are so insignificant and let them ruin the good big stuff.  I get so upset that Malachi painted all over the table, that I miss the beautiful picture he painted too, or how happy his face is to see what he can create.  I get frustrated that Tui's 15 minutes late that I don't actually get to enjoy any of the time I have to spend with him, coz I'm too busy being mad.  So my other resolution is to not sweat the small stuff, and instead to enjoy those little moments.  Last night Malachi woke up at 1am and hasn't been back to sleep since.  He spent the night throwing up.  And as I sat there feeling almost resentful that I had to be awake the thought suddenly came to me - "I bet Natalie would give anything to spend the night awake with Gavin while he spewed up everywhere."   An hour or so after thinking this, my sick little boy rolled over, held my face, and kissed me on the cheek. One of life's little moments that I would have missed if I'd still been resentful of Malachi being sick (as if it was his fault....duh...).  I guess I wanna be more like a duck, be waterproof, and let these things just roll off my back, not let them get me down or stop me from enjoying life's little moments. 

So it's kinda past new years, but here's to a better year, a better February then January was (and not just coz my birthday's in February), and in the words of my musical hero, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror....If you wanna make the world a better place, just look at yourself and make a change."